Eternity Daily Bible Study No. 254

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Living In Christ – 15

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

Ephesians 6:1-4
(1)  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
(2)  Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),
(3)  so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.
(4)  And fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Gentle, nurturing leadership by parents and obedience and honor from children is the biblical mandate. 

Children are to obey their parents:
1.  “in the Lord” - within the scope of Scripture, not following them into wrong areas such as crime or idolatry.
2.	“for this is right” – it is God’s righteous order for families.
3.	“so that it may be well with you” – relationships with parents affect the whole of life.
4.	“and that you may live long on the earth” – respect brings stability and blessing.

In my counseling I find that dysfunctional relationships with parents underlie many problems that adults experience in later life. Getting the parent-child relationship right is essential and a key part of this is for the child to honor their father and mother.

Honor is more than respect - it also includes financial provision in their old age.

1 Timothy 5:8
(8)  But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially his family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel.

These are strong words – to breach major a family responsibility makes us “worse than an unbeliever”. Right family relationships are thus part of the very core of biblical  Christianity.

However - how can one honor a bad-tempered, violent drunken or abusive parent? With some caution – is the only answer. The relationship may be in tatters, the parent may be dangerous to us emotionally and physically, but we should still seek to honor them as much as possible within the bounds of common sense and good judgment. In such cases we should prayerfully bring that relationship to God for His healing touch.

The relationship with one’s father is often the most awkward. Which is why Paul writes: “And fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Fathers can wreck their relationships with their children by abusive use of their headship. Parenting is not a power trip but a stewardship. We men are to bring up our children in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord”  - notice the word “nurture” men are to have a nurturing aspect to their life in Christ.

When the parent-child relationship works well then “you will live long in the land”.  I think we see the fulfillment of this in cultures such as China and Japan, which greatly respect parents - and consequently have never been scattered or moved out of their lands. As Confucius said – peace begins with the family.  

The “first commandment with a promise” is meant to bring us great blessing.   If we give our best to our parents then God will give His best to us.

Let us not blame our parents for who we have become.  Yes, they played a part, but we can also did our part as well, we made certain choices and as adults our life is our responsibility –not theirs.

When the relationships between parents and children break down across a whole society then that society quickly comes under a curse – and prophetic intervention may be needed to turn the country around.

Malachi 4:5-6
(5)  Behold, I am sending you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of Jehovah.
(6)  And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the sons, and the heart of the sons to their fathers, that I not come and strike the earth with utter destruction.

Thus parent-child relationships are under constant spiritual attack and many of the inexplicable arguments may even have a spiritual basis – for Satan accuses the parents to the children and the children to the parents. Therefore prayer, daily family times in the Word, forgiveness, keeping short accounts with God and each other, and alertness to each other’s needs are all ways the family can be protected from the breakdown in relationships.

The biblical guidelines on communication and on relationship repair are vital to family life. 
Matthew 5:23-24
(23)  Therefore if you offer your gift on the altar, and there remember that your brother has anything against you,
(24)  leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Family relationships form a foundation to both society and true Christian spirituality.  They will never be “perfect” in a fallen world but they can be rugged and strong and built on honor and consideration.

Blessings,

John Edmiston johned@aibi.ph

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